Food For Thought - "Thanks For Noticing"

"Thanks For Noticing"
C2002 Gail Pursell Elliott
 

"No more fiendish punishment could be devised, were such a thing possible, that one should be turned loose in society and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the members thereof." - William James, 1890

If someone has ever treated you as if you were invisible you understand the truth of this observation. It can be more humiliating than angry words or a slap in the face. When we ignore someone it is by definition an intentional act. When we don't notice someone often it is unintentional but it can have similar results.

Sometimes we subject those closest to us to this 'fiendish punishment' without realizing it. It is called being taken for granted. This happens when we become so used to people in our lives that we no longer pay as close attention as we once did. The positive qualities that we once noticed and acknowledged in that person have become routine.

This occurs in work environments as well as personal relationships and families. Regardless of where it happens, those involved feel as if they have been relegated to the "land of the forgotten and unappreciated" and some will seek out new situations where their positive qualities and/or work will be noticed once again.

A couple of examples of how this manifests itself are interactions such as:

"How was dinner? I ate it didn't I?"
"You'll only hear from me if there is a problem."

Some of us may remember an experiment that was done quite a number of years ago to determine how changes to the physical environment in a factory impacted productivity. They began by changing the lighting. Productivity went up. They added music. Productivity went up. They changed the lighting back to its original condition. Productivity went up. They eliminated the music. Productivity went up again. What made the difference was not what was added or subtracted, but that making these adjustments showed that someone was paying attention or noticing.

Now of course in these scenarios people were noticing and paying attention before the others involved knew that they were. But they did not realize it until there was some tangible evidence. That is the key factor. What matters is feeling noticed. This is called validation.

Often we notice and think positive things about a person and don't take the time to express it. One recommendation that I make regularly is "if you think it and it's positive - say it! You may not have another chance."

Here is a simple exercise that has been recommended often but bears repeating. Go out of your way to notice and express appreciation for one thing each day about each person in your home or work environment. A good way to begin is to start looking at the things that these people are, say, and do that we would miss if they were suddenly gone. Ordinary things that we take for granted.

Here are some examples:

"I really appreciate how considerate you are."
"You have a really good heart. I admire that."
"I know I can count on you. It means a lot."
"We're lucky to have you."
"You're always so punctual. I can set my watch by you."
"Thanks for a great dinner."
"I'm so glad you're my (son/daughter)."

Some go through life being admired and appreciated by others and never realize it because no one took the time to express what they noticed. It is something that we can do for each other that is both simple and powerful. It is Food For Thought.

Have a Great Day and be good to yourself.  You deserve it!

Gail

Food For Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is Innovations.

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