Food For Thought - "As Is"

"As Is"
C2002 Gail Pursell Elliott
 

“Some people are some ways and some people are t’other.   You just can’t do nothin’ about it,” said my grandfather during one of our long walks along the canal.  We’d pick up fallen crabapples from the old trees at the back of his property and throw them into the canal, hear them plop and then watch for curious fish to break the surface.

I must have been doing my usual pondering about people.  I couldn’t have been more than ten or twelve years old at the time.  My grandfather’s response was pretty simplistic and may sound like a brush off.   Nothing could be further from the truth.   In his homespun way he was telling me to let people be who they are and to accept them “as is.”

Our country was partially based upon allowing people the freedom to be themselves and to have opportunities to express that individuality.   It is something that most of us deeply value.   Yet many are not as willing to extend that freedom to others though we insist upon it for ourselves.

Many years ago I met a medical student from South America who was continuing his education in the States.   We became friends.   He introduced me to his circle of friends from that part of the world and included me in get-togethers, always prefacing his introduction with the phrase, "She’s not like an American girl.”   I found out later that this was his way of telling his other friends that I did not fit a stereotype.

Did I speak Spanish?   No.
Did we talk about “cultural differences?”   No.
Did I know about his country? Not much, mainly where it was on the map.

None of these things really seemed to matter.   We were interested in getting to know each other as people, not as nationalities or cultures.   We didn’t begin with assumptions or preconceived ideas.   We talked about our work, our hopes and dreams, our philosophies of life, our beliefs, and our families.   We shared some common interests that we enjoyed, introduced each other to some new interests. Just like friends anywhere, we were looking for common elements to share rather than differences to try to overcome.  Our differences were interesting to learn about rather than barriers because we found things to like about each other first.   And of course we found them because that was our intent.   Similarity rather than diversity made the connection.  We accepted each other ‘as is’ and had a lot of fun in the process.

This same friend gave me a copy of The Little Prince as a gift.  In that story, the Prince has a flower on his home planet who has told him that she is ‘one of a kind’ and has to be treated specially because of that.   When he travels to Earth he finds a garden filled with roses that look just like his flower.   At first he is saddened.   Later he realizes that his flower was telling the truth.   That she is “unique in all the world” because of their friendship, because of the connection that they have made.

So often we judge others rather than expressing acceptance.   Since we are all one-of-a-kind events, “unique in all the world,” someone else’s expression is never going to be a clone of our own whether they grew up next door or halfway around the world, on Earth or the Little Prince’s planet.   Treating people with dignity and respect is an exercise in finding those points where we connect.   Dignity involves allowing others to define themselves rather than labeling them.   Respect involves acknowledging and appreciating that individuality without judging it.   Accepting each other “as is.”

Have a Great Day and be good to yourself.  You deserve it!

Gail

Food For Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is Innovations.

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