A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

A child was heard praying, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

A Sunday school teacher once asked her class "why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One child replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A little boy was constantly talking during the church service. His sister turned to him and said: "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Who's going to stop me?" the little boy asked.

His sister pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door, they're hushers."

One Sunday, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up to take him to the back of the church. As he was being led away, the child shouted to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

A mother was preparing pancakes for her two sons while they argued about who would get the first pancake. Their mother turned to them and said: "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' The younger brother turned to the older and said: "you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and took him to a seagull which lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A Sunday school asked her class what was the 10th Commandment. One little boy raised his hand and said: "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."

"Our father, who does art in heaven, Howard is his name...."

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three- year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a dead cat. She asked, "How do you know that it was dead?"

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"